I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
