I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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