His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
