It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
