This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
