i just sent this text using only my big toe
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
