i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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