Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
