last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
