You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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