That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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