I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i out mim tonsoeep
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