She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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