i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
