Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
