If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can i not drive my cunt home
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
