Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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