Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
