ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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