Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
