Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
