You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
