New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
