My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
