Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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