Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
