i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
