Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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