remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You have to summon your inner elephant
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
