i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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