wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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