I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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