mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
