My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
