so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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