literally had 100 drinks last night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
