Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
