I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
