lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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