you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
