I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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