Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
