While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
