help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
