After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
