If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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