So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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