They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
