Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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