Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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